


Darcy Lewis Causes More Intergalactic Incidents Than She Does Thwart Them

by Stillsixpm



Series: Adventures in Diplomacy [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Animal Hijinks, Body Swap, Crack, F/M, Gen, Mistaken Identity, Taser Mishaps, cowboy boots, sticky situation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-16 22:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14175120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stillsixpm/pseuds/Stillsixpm
Summary: Darcy doesn't mean to keep getting thrown in jail or chased by angry mobs.Unfortunately for her partner Bucky, these things just seem to keep happening to her.Whoever thought Darcy Lewis and the Winter Soldier were the best candidates for engaging in public relations with the other realms wasn't thinking clearly.





	1. She's No Pied Piper

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [Dresupi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dresupi/pseuds/Dresupi) for hosting this event, without which I was unlikely to ever post this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no ASPCA on this planet, so she'll have to do.

She was getting better at sneaking around. A couple thugs lumbered past, either not noticing as she ducked around a corner or too drunk to bother.

Almost there. It was just down the hall. The guards were gathered at the fighting pits, the last of whom just took a conveniently timed break.

Maybe she should thank her grumpy partner for this later. Bucky's paranoia seemed to have rubbed off on her. This little side mission of hers was going to go off without a hitch. He probably wouldn't receive her thanks gladly though, nor appreciate how she had given him the slip earlier. Three months they had been traveling from planet to planet, and the guy had barely grunted a few words at her.

When she had been offered this assignment, she had at first been a little nervous upon hearing that her partner would be none other than Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier, war hero, Cap's best friend, and current wanted terrorist. His name had yet to be cleared of the grisly deeds he had committed while under Hydra captivity, and an extended trip off planet seemed like a good option for the both of them.

Not that his past had much to do with her nervousness of being partnered with him. Their first meeting had been interesting, to say the least. She was certain he remembered the episode, try as she might pray to Thor he'd forget.

And she got it, she really did. She tried to be understanding that the guy had been through hell. But she was starting to take it kind of personally that he couldn't seem to stand being in the same room as her, which was damned inconvenient given their intimate lodgings, not to mention their spacecraft designed for two.

Sure, maybe it hadn't been his first choice to be stuck with her traveling through space, but she wasn't half bad company. Maybe he was getting tired of the little detours they had to make along the way. But they'd landed in jail only a handful of times, most of which weren't really her fault, and she could hardly be blamed for the cabbage incident.

He probably wouldn't approve of this jail break. She shuffled further toward her destination, hoisting her little cache of tools more securely against her back. She glanced behind her shoulder. The hallway was clear. Barnes could take his disapproval and suck it. His moodiness toward her was unwarranted. He was foul company. He was silent and morose and...

He was right in front of her.

Darcy nearly leapt out of her skin. "Jesus, Barnes! A little warning?"

He didn't bother to respond. Shocking. Grabbing her arm, he maneuvered the two of them against the wall and muffled her protest with his hand. Because she's all of three years old, she licks it in retaliation and immediately regrets it once the taste of metal hits her tongue. The corner of his lip twitches, even though his attention is fixed on the approaching footsteps.

After a moment, he uncovers her mouth, which she wipes in annoyance. "The hell are we doing down here, Lewis?" He growls at her lowly.

She fidgets a little. He's still crowding her personal space and giving her his scowliest scowl. "Rescue operation. I have to free the prisoners."

"By yourself?" He scoffed.

"I didn't think you'd approve," she grumbled. One of the tools in her bag is digging between her shoulder blade but she pushes back against it anyway, trying to create some room between them. So she isn't a highly trained operative. She didn't land this gig because of her stealth or prowess with deadly weapons. She got it on charm alone. That and SHIELD did happen to be woefully understaffed at the moment. "I was almost there. It's not like you had to come bust me out of jail or anything."

"This time," he muttered, taking a step back. Some breathing room. Yay.

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry to interrupt your me time. But I'm sure you can oil your arm or sharpen your knives back on the ship."

Barnes lets out a huff and turns to stalk down the corridor. Whatever. She can finish this without him.

He calls back at her over his shoulder. "You coming?"

Say something clever. "What?" She gapes at him. Crap.

He's already in front of the door where the Orloni are being held. Of course he knows where they were. He gives her an impatient look as if to say, well what are you waiting for?

Right, she had carefully planned this out. She shuffles around in her bag for the card she swiped off one of the drunk guards and feeds it into the reader. It lights up green. Pay dirt.

Barnes enters first, weapon at the ready. After scanning for potential threats, he holsters his gun and waves vaguely at the room. Darcy's already on the lookout for a control unit to the cells.

Row after row of cages stacked upon one another fill the room. Darcy peers into one and sees an Orloni pup huddled against the back wall of its cage, docked tail tucked between its hind legs. Little black eyes zero in on her and it lets out a tiny growl. There's a faint buzzing sound, indicating the electrically charged bars that make up the creature's prison. Darcy makes a face in disgust. It barely looks like a yearling, it's so small. But that won't keep its handlers from training it to fight to the death in the pits for their amusement and profit. "It's ok, buddy. We'll get you out of here."

"Lewis, over here." This has got to be the most Barnes has ever voluntarily spoken actual words to her. He gestures to the controls to this prison. It was go time.

She can feel his eyes on her as she hacks into the system. It's easy work to find the unlocking command. Now if she can just time it right to set all cells to unlock after they make their exit--

Whizz. Click. Oops.

Every cell door released simultaneously. Little claws poke hesitantly at the now-decharged bars. Oh, well. It's a little ahead of schedule, but Darcy figures it's what she had come here to accomplish. The pup she had seen earlier roots its furry snout just outside the opening to its jail. "Come on, little guy," Darcy encourages.

"Lewis," Barnes calls out. Look who's feeling chatty today. He can wait.

The Orloni pup takes a mighty leap out of his cage and lands on the floor with shaky legs. A few more jump down to join him on the ground.

"Lewis," Barnes hisses again.

"I heard you," she responds, mulish. He could let her bask just a little in her success. "Be free, guys! No more killing for you." There must be hundreds of them. And wow, they are escaping by the bucketful.

She's roughly shoved behind him and he has his gun trained on the Orloni.

"Don't shoot them!" She clutches onto his tac vest trying in vain to curb his murderous urges. Craning her neck around his arm, she sees with dawning horror just what had spurred her partner into action. A growing horde of Orloni convenes on the ground to make their getaway and hundreds of eyes flash red in their direction. When they bare very sharp fangs, all her former sympathies for the rodents' well-being vanishes. "Oh, shit! Shoot them!"

"What in the hell?" A couple thugs stand dumbly at the entrance, baffled at the sight before them. They have little time to react further as the horde's attention has shifted from their saviors to their former jailers.

While the goons are busy getting mauled, Barnes scoops her up without a word and hightails it out of there.

 

* * *

 

Back in their shuttle, Darcy waits for the inevitable. They made it off planet and are now en route to their next destination. She looks anywhere but at her grim partner, but the familiar sounds of him dismantling and cleaning his gear unnerve her. He works methodically through each piece, as though she hadn't just gotten them eaten alive by a swarm of bloodthirsty alien rodents. She should probably apologize.

"I could've pulled it off if the timing mechanism was better designed. That was some sloppy tech."

That's not an apology. She scrunches her face and tries again.

"It wasn't right. They were being slaughtered in those pits. No one deserves that."

Darcy hangs her head in defeat. Time to put on her big girl panties.

"I screwed up. Again. I'm a screw up. You wouldn't have to bail me out all the time if I just minded my own business." She didn't say anything he probably hadn't already been thinking since Day 1.

It's quiet at the table where he's been working. She hazards a glance at him, fully expecting his murder gaze leveled at her and cranked up to eleven.

He's looking back at her, his expression is more thoughtful than murderous.

"It was a good plan."

It's not often Darcy Lewis is at a loss for words. When she doesn't immediately respond, he turns back to the table and continues in his ministrations. She figures his social battery has been tapped out and their short lived conversation has concluded, but today seems to be the day to defy her expectations.

"Let me know next time," he says, not looking up while he wipes clean and sheaths a knife.

At this her jaw actually drops. In every mess she had gotten into, she had been pretty certain that Barnes wouldn't actually leave her marooned on some planet. Buried underneath the surly exterior was a loyal, respectful, admittedly attractive man whom she had grown to trust. But he had always shown up to rescue her so begrudgingly that she's thrown a little off kilter by his words.

"Next time you come up with some scheme to bust loose a bunch of space rats or help depose a crazy dictator or get engaged to alien royalty," he cocks an eyebrow at her pointedly at that last point. "Just warn a guy first." He shrugs. "I could give you a hand."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. We're partners, right?" His smile is a little hesitant. "You scheme, I'll shoot." But his gaze is steady and his tone resolute and her brain just sort of short circuits at the sight of his eyes crinkling a little at the corners. Which is her reasoning for why she brings up the unmentionable incident.

"So, you would've helped me with the cabbages, is what you're saying?"

Back to murderous. Super.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Orloni are seen in Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2, grappling with Groot in the Guardians' opening fight scene with the Abilisk. They are not cute.
> 
>  
> 
> [Orloni](http://marvelcinematicuniverse.wikia.com/wiki/Orloni)


	2. She Doesn't Quite Blow Up a Planet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was supposed to be her day off.

It's been twenty minutes since they landed on the pleasure planet--a rare treat afforded the pair for all their efforts--and Barnes already looks a little sour. Two saurian attendants welcome them, handing them light blue leis. The employees are all of the same reptilian race--a secondary ethnicity on this planet, a member of the humanoid ruling caste informs them. Are those flowers in her lei moving?

"I'm going to the shuttle."

Darcy glances at him, a little distracted by her swaying lei. One of the tendrils coils around her earring and gives a playful tug. "Are you sure?"

He drops his lei into the waiting claws of one of the attendants. The saurians are outfitted in matching uniforms and all sport the same delicate gold choker around their scaled necks. "I'm sure. Keep your comm on."

"Yeah, yeah." She waves him off. "If I get into any hot tub emergencies, I'll let you know."

Geez, if he clenches his jaw any harder, he'll crack a molar. What a weirdo. If anyone needed a spa day at this alien resort, it was him.

Darcy lets herself be ushered into the swanky facility and is greeted at reception. "Please leave any weapons with the front desk," she's told.

She checks both her sig and the knife hidden in her boot, but holds onto the modified taser disguised as a lipstick tube in her bag. It was a favorite of hers. The mods threw off the aim a little, but it got the job done at close range. She may be on a pleasure planet, but she's got more sense than to leave herself completely defenseless.

It was time for some galaxy class pampering. This place was a renowned purification and wellness center. And while she might shy away from the treatments deemed too hazardous for her human skin, she wanted to give one of those therapeutic tar pits a try.

* * *

 One hour later, Darcy is blissfully wrapped in a detoxifying cocoon and munching on some purple root vegetable. Barnes is missing out.

To her delight, the cocoon dissolves off her body and leaves a lovely sheen all over her skin. As she slips on a fluffy robe and toys with the sash, she idly wonders what her partner would have done had he opted to join her. Maybe the tar would be bad for the arm. The substance in the pools didn't really resemble the tar they had back home. She trusted that it would be safe even for her delicate human composition, however.

It had been about two weeks since their little heart to heart. They had since engaged in conversation, if you could call it that. And while he hadn't transformed overnight, he had begun to relax around her a bit. Maybe life or death situations were what it took to spark an actual friendship between the two of them. Good thing for her that those were fairly easy to come by these days.

The harsh tone of yelling breaks her reverie. A humanoid management-type is berating one of the employees. As he grows more irate, the choker around the saurian's neck burns white hot, driving him to his knees in pain. She picks up her bag and rushes toward them to intervene, tightening the sash on her robe as she makes her way over.

Human or alien, people were such assholes. Couldn't there just be one good thing in the universe, untouched by greed or hate? But no, every diamond planet had to be mined by blind space puppies and every alien resort had to be financed through the enslavement of the planet's secondary species. And Darcy had thought she was jaded before this assignment.

"Hey, jackass!" This situation didn't call for class. He didn't even glance her way.

The saurian's green scales had taken on a green pallor. That was it. This guy needed to be tasered. She slips the cap off and fires, only for a dart to go wide--damn that mod--landing in one of the tar pits. Almost immediately the tiny spark from her taser ignites the tar. The shock was enough to break whatever hold that asshole had on the saurian, who limped away with a grateful nod in her direction.

But she can barely register his thanks as she takes in the sight before her. The tar pits are all interconnected and accordingly to the facility tour, there were more than 2,000 of them covering the resort grounds. Like a stack of combustible dominos, the tar pits each ignite.

Well, there's her life or death situation. If there was some kind of corollary between the level of danger to self and Barnes's fuzzy feelings, he'd be her bestie after this, from the look of things.

* * *

 "Was that you, Lewis?" His exasperation is clear even through the comm unit in her ear.

She's a little breathless from dodging the screaming management. "You saw all the way from the shuttle?"

"Doll, you could see this mess from space."

She blinks at that. Doll, huh? She doesn't have time to dwell on that long, though, as she works on her escape route from this flaming wreckage of a facility. Strange that she hasn't run into one saurian on her way through this maze.

"Locked on your signal. I'll be on you in three."

"Sure. Yeah. I'll be here. Weaponless and in my bathrobe." She swears she heard him chuckle before his receiver turned off.

* * *

 Once onboard, Darcy quickly dresses in something more appropriate for an escape and rescue.

Barnes calls back at her from the cockpit. "Leave it to you to blow up an alien spa, Lewis."

"An alien spa built on slave labor," she corrects as she slides into the co-pilot seat. "Anyway, we can't leave. The slave trade of the saurians will just continue."

"Taken care of." He hands her the blackened remains of one of the gold chokers the saurians had all been wearing. "All disabled. Just a bunch of fancy necklaces now."

She narrows her eyes at him. "You said you were going back to the shuttle."

"I went," he grunts. "Then I left it to do a sweep. Probably found the same thing you did."

"Sneaky, Barnes." She's grinning at him like a dope. But she can't help it. There are times like these that she's so glad he's stuck with her. And when he grins back at her as though he hasn't been stuck with her, but more like he's genuinely glad to be here on this spaceship with her, she has to give herself a mental shake to return to the task at hand. "Still, the whole caste system is bullshit. What if the ruling class finds a way to oppress the saurians again?"

"Shouldn't be a problem." He leans back into the chair. "Thing about saurians is, what they lack in tech and prejudice, they make up with greater bone density and strength. And being a secondary race doesn't mean they're the minority; they outnumber their captors nearly ten to one. Now that they've been uncollared, they'll make their way."

When she still looks uncertain, he ducks his head to peer down at her eyes. "We got their coordinates, don't we? Maybe in a couple week's time, if they haven't shaped up, I'll turn you loose on 'em again, yeah?"

Darcy huffs a little. "I guess it was your turn to subvert an alien caste system."

"Can't let you have all the fun, doll."

 

 


	3. Darcy Lewis Had Inhibitions?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's right. I wrote alien slugs.

Barnes is being mean. She just knows that her pinky will fit nicely in his chin dimple but he keeps moving his face out of her grasp. He's got her in a bridal carry and is stomping the two of them back to the village to see the healer, or so he had grumbled.

"Figured you'd be more the fireman-hold type. Not that I'm complaining. Your shoulder doesn't look that forgiving. And you probably want to keep this far from your face," she gestures at the slug attached to her calf that he's now eyeing warily. It's pulsing in a neat way and she has the sudden urge to squish it. Barnes somehow manages to knock her questing fingers away from grabbing the creature while maintaining his hold on her.

When Darcy reaches for the slug again, he bares his teeth as though to growl at her and now she can't stop looking at his mouth.

She makes another play for his chin and this time he does growl at her. Delighted by this, she playfully growls right back at him and laughs right into his scruffy neck. He's silly.

Eventually she settles for running her fingers through his hair and she marvels at how soft it is. He lets out a put-upon sigh and allows it. She's no longer holding onto his neck but is confident his grasp on her is secure. The feel of the long brown locks through her fingers is fascinating. A thought occurs to her. "Are you going to keep it long?"

He squints blue eyes at her but doesn't respond immediately. "Do you," he winces and starts over. "You're not a fan of long hair?"

"It's nice on you. But I've seen old footage of you back from your day. You didn't start sporting the hobo look until Mother Russia had you."

"You been studying up on me, Lewis?" He huffs.

"You were my 10th grade history project. I was bummed I wasn't assigned Cap, though." He bobs his head at that and presses his lips together in a tight not-smile.

"So what did ya learn?" He murmurs into her ear.

"Just surface stuff. I was 16," she tries to explain. "Brooklyn. War. Steve. Pain. B minus. I deserved it. You didn't."

He doesn't seem to know what to say to this so she continues unleashing whatever thought enters her head.

"I do recall typing your name a whole lot of times. James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky Barnes. Bucky. Buck-eee." His name rolls off her tongue in the most pleasant way. "And Steve's too. Steven Grant Rogers." It doesn't have the same appeal.

The look he gives her is unreadable. Not that Barnes's expressions are usually all that easy to read. But nothing seems to be stopping her mouth as her partner treks back to the village. "I bet good old Steve wouldn't give you half as much trouble as me if you were partnered with him."

He snorts. "You'd be surprised. Anyway, sounds like I ain't the one who'd rather have Steve as my partner."

"Why, because of the history paper thing?" Darcy hadn't missed his reaction to her earlier comment. "He was the easy topic," she shrugs. "There's a wealth of information out there on Captain America. And I'm pretty sure the bulk of it isn't true, but it's enough to let a lazy high school sophomore cobble something together for a half decent grade."

He's quiet again as he considers this.

"Besides, all those half naked pictures of Steve post-serum? And the ones of him on the USO tour in that getup? There wasn't a kid in my class who wasn't hot for that guy."

He laughs. It's nice. He should laugh more often. "Those photos were in your history books?" He guffaws.

"Not just there! 'Captain America Wants You in Bed' was the gold standard of memes."

Another meme that had circulated while she was in high school pops into her head.

"Hey, did you and Steve ever bang?"

Wow, he really does look nice when he laughs.

* * *

The village healer explained that Darcy had gotten a little too close to the local fauna and had upset the environment of a jungle slug. Empathic by nature, the creature in its adult form would have been able to sense that she meant no harm. If she had, it would have been able to retaliate in far worse fashion, such as taking control of her central nervous system.

It apparently panicked when she had accidentally stepped into the pond where it made its dwelling and reacted by attaching itself to her calf straight through her pants. In its larval state, its abilities were limited to making her very relaxed. Oftentimes other villagers who had been similarly afflicted responded as Darcy had, without inhibition.

The healer made short work of unsticking the slug from her leg, using a sweet concoction to humanely lure it to a more tempting surface. It had suctioned straight through her pants to leave a fist sized red welt on her skin. He patted her shoulder and declared her well enough to depart when she felt ready.

Darcy shifts a little on the cot and thinks it best for her sanity that she spend the next couple nights in the village for observation. Glancing nervously at Barnes, she tries for humor. "He forgot to mention the slug's memory wiping abilities and how I would have zero recollection of what happened in the past five hours."

"You don't say," he says dryly.

She fidgets a little with the hem of the woven tunic the healer's wife had given her and recalls yet another fun aspect of this day she wishes she could forget.

Darcy remembers quite clearly the horrified expression Barnes had when he discovered her in the jungle. The horror could have been either from the slug or her state of undress. It had been sweltering in the jungle and one of the first impulses she had was to rectify that in the fastest way possible. She had been in the middle of taking off her pants--shirt long since abandoned--when the slug got in the way. She had greeted him with a joyful, "Barnes!" and exuberant wave of her arm while her pants had been mid-thigh. He took one look at the slug, picked her up, and to grant her some semblance of modesty, slid her pants back up before carrying her back all the way to the village.

"I'm just surprised that I had any inhibitions to begin with," she jokes weakly. "Also thought I didn't have shame either, but hey, there it is."

He sits down gingerly next to her on the cot and bumps her shoulder with his. "Don't gotta be embarrassed. Not with me."

"I guess I owe you another one."

His eyebrows furrow. "Not keeping count."

"I know." That's not what she meant. She exhales through her nose. Some things have to be said when you're not influenced by an alien parasite. She looks him in the eye. "I'm glad it's you. I'm glad you're my partner."

His gaze is intense and almost makes her lose her nerve. But she continues, because it needs saying.

"Not Steve. Not anyone. There's no one else I'd rather be fleeing from the villagers or saving the villagers with. Or just traveling millions of light years in space. Together. With you. Has been really nice. And if there's anything you need from me--alien slug parasites, daring rescues--I'm your girl." And with that brilliant display of eloquence and wit, Darcy's humiliation for the day is complete.

He's quiet for so long she's startled at his words. "There is one thing."

She cocks her head, genuinely curious. "What's that?"

His grin is slow and wide and just this side of dangerous. "Call me Bucky again."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What would you have done or said if you were Darcy?


	4. Get My Hands Off My Partner!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Think of her virtue!

Darcy's hands were all over Barnes. One arm was looped possessively through his while the other traced flirtatious patterns up and down his chest. He nodded absently at something she jabbered on about.

It was a shame it wasn't actually Darcy doing the touching.

Upon their arrival, the 12-year-old princess of Yrithia had taken an instant liking to Barnes. Initially, Darcy had fully expected him to be his usual charming self and wind up making her cry. But he had been strangely patient with her, speaking to her gently and offering a smile now and then, sure to break her little preteen hearts.

Perhaps Barnes was just that charming. Or--and Darcy found this more likely--the Yrithians were of a hive mind, and every male of her species was biologically designed to blindly obey her every command, as the colony's future queen. So encountering a male like Barnes who didn't robotically acquiesce to her every whim must have been novel.

So the princess tagged along as they visited different drone settlements, fawning over him the entire time. She took every opportunity to show off her translucent wings. He drew the line at her hand feeding him the Queen's royal jelly.

She didn't like Darcy very much. So it was surprising when the princess called for a private audience with just her. It wasn't until the princess had been staring intently at her with lidless compound eyes, telling her not to worry and that she would take good care of Sargent Barnes, that the alarm bells in Darcy's head went off.

She awoke to find herself alone, gagged and restrained, which wasn't that unusual of an occurrence. What wasn't so run of the mill was that she was now inhabiting the Yrithian princess's body. The little troublemaker had swapped bodies with her and then strapped her to a chair with an arsenal of colorful silken ribbons and cable ties.

When no amount of struggling served to loosen the restraints, Darcy scooted, shuffled, and hopped herself to the balcony to get some bearing on where the princess had left her. Over the guard rail, she saw the palace grounds stretched out before her--all 80 acres of it--and off in the distance, thanks to the enhanced vision of her host's body, Darcy saw her partner walking arm in arm with herself.

The imposter threw her head back to laugh uproariously at something Barnes said. That was just bad acting. He wasn't that funny. Darcy ground her teeth when the princess pressed herself brazenly into his side. How could he be falling for this?

This wasn't a jealousy thing, Darcy was quick to clarify in her head. Barnes was a good looking man; he was bound to have admirers no matter what species the locals were. No, this was about fairness. She had done the time. She had endured his long silences and withering stares in the early months of their tentative partnership. It had taken a lot of effort to get him to open up the way he had and if anyone got to cash in on all that work with some well deserved groping, it was Darcy.

So she looked on resolutely at the two strolling through the garden. First things first: she had to get this gag and restraints off.

* * *

She's half successful.

The royal guards seemed unconcerned at the sight of their princess hopping around the palace tied to a chair. Not a one so much as glanced her way when she petitioned them for help. Either this was a common pastime of the princess's or they really did have some kind of hive mind.

The stairs were the worst of it. But after some time, Darcy finally made her way to the gardens, where her partner was sitting at a fountain alone.

She hopped to him as best as she could. "Barnes! Barnes!" Her voice was comically high pitched.

He frowned at her and for an instant she's worried at how she's going to convince him it's actually her.

"Thought I asked you to call me Bucky, doll."

She sagged in relief. "You knew?"

He nodded and made short work of the ties. "Had her clocked almost from the start. She told me where you were. Thought you'd catch up to me sooner," he said with mocking disapproval.

"I came down 12 flights of stairs on the world's worst hippity hop," she snapped in this body's childish voice. Once she was free, she rubbed at a sore wrist and stretched abused muscles. "Where's her highness?" She asked waspishly.

"Ran off. She knew you were coming."

"You let her go?"

He shrugged. "Won't take long to find her. Let her have her fun."

* * *

They later held an audience with the Queen, each person in their original bodies. As the princess regaled her mother with the day's antics, she chuckled heartily and looked upon her daughter with pride.

The princess smiled at them shyly and clasped little hands in front of her. "It was very nice meeting you."

Darcy's sure it was. She was still a little sour.

To her shock, the girl ran up to hug her around her middle. "Thank you for letting me play pretend." Darcy awkwardly patted her back as best as she could without disturbing her delicate wings.

"And Sargent Barnes, will you come visit again some day?"

"I'll try, Princess." His smile is a little sad. He brooded all the way back to their shuttle.

* * *

Darcy found him later in much the same state, seated at their modest dining area and staring at nothing. She grabbed a couple drinks and set one before him. When he didn't respond, Darcy felt resigned to another period of silence. This was familiar. Just as she was prepared to exit the room, he spoke.

"I had a kid sister. Becca," he said almost tonelessly.

She sat down gingerly in the seat next to his and waited.

"She used to get crushes too," he recalled. That seemed to be all he wanted to share on that topic, so she didn't press further. They sat together like that for a while, until the mood shifted into something a little less heavy. A few shorts months ago, that silence would have been unbearable for Darcy. But now, it's companionable.

After some time, she touched one side of her boot to his, and this seemed to break him of his reverie. On to less painful subjects.

"So how long did it take you before you realized it wasn't me?"

"Not long. Could tell something was up when you started acting all funny. Well, funnier," he clarifies mildly.

"Har har. Was it before or after the groping?"

"Before. That didn't start until later."

"And you didn't think to protect my virtue by doing the gentlemanly thing and telling her to back the hell off?"

"Your virtue?" His expression was insultingly incredulous.

"That's right. I only caught the tail end of me manhandling you, but you didn't look like you were protesting."

His answering smile was a little too smug. "Tail end, huh? Then you missed the best part." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"You shut your lying mouth, Barnes," she hissed at him with a grin.

"You want a replay, just say the word." Eyebrows really shouldn't be able to move that way.

And old ghosts might continue to haunt them. But for now, he's laughing and she's not in mortal danger. And that's enough for the two of them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe one more chapter of this.


	5. It's Not All Fun and Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have some close calls.

All things considered, being mistaken for a goddess wasn't as great as you might imagine. Sure, it was all fun and games in the beginning when you declare it your divine will that your "only human" partner hand feed you grapes.

But now, hogtied and strung upside down on the way to to be ritually sacrificed, Darcy was seriously reconsidering her life choices.

When the planet's high priest had first hailed her as the harvest goddess incarnate, Darcy had thought the ruse would assist her and Bucky in convincing the people to leave this dying rock as soon as possible. With no small amount of glee, she had rubbed her deification in Bucky's unimpressed face. But that glee quickly turned to horror once the priest revealed his plans for Darcy.

The inhabitants of Jakr believed that killing her would bring an end to the terrible famine that had plagued their little planet for generations. It was actually due to this system's star being on its last legs, due to burn out in a glorious and destructive blaze in a few decades. She and Bucky had been instrumental in the evacuation of every other planet in the system thus far. The Jakrians chose to place their faith in Darcy over relocating to a nice moon colony in a neighboring galaxy. But first they had to separate her from her incensed partner.

It had been rather impressive how they had managed to subdue and imprison Bucky at all. Darcy had been witness to some of his truly spectacular feats but this melee took the cake. In the end, it had taken several tranqs to bring him to his knees. In his drugged state, the Jakrians found it much easier to bind his limbs with the woven fiber cords they seemed to favor. Luckily for Darcy, the drugs would burn out of his system quickly and the ties were no match for his strength.

She trusted that it wouldn't take Bucky much longer to break out of prison, so Darcy had stalled them for as long as she could. Initially they had simply wanted to shoot her; an expedient death was apparently the quickest way to reboot the planet's ecosystem. However, Darcy had managed to convince them that an elaborate ritual sacrifice was what the deities required and had talked them through building a ritual altar and outfitting her in a ritual wardrobe. They had denied her need for a ritual waiting of 100 days to cleanse her divine form.

They kept bumping her head as they carried her up the steps. She had insisted the altar be tall. And painstakingly crafted by hand.  
And covered in the planet's rarest flowers. "Watch it you assholes! See if I help this mudball of a planet with my sacrificial death now."

The priest ominously chanted and sprinkled the dais with more flowers. It would have be a lovely sight, were it not for the jagged knife laid just to the side of the headrest. Bucky could make an appearance any time now. She bucked against the altar and away from the priest in vain.

"When I said asshole, I meant it in the most respectful way." In her panic, Darcy began to babble. He brandished the knife and waved it over her body. "Wait! There are more rituals to observe! Think of the livestock!" She wasn't above pleading for her life.

Her pleas were interrupted by angry shouts and the sounds of a scuffle near the base of the altar. Darcy had never been more relieved to hear gunshots. The priest took a few hesitant steps toward the ladder to investigate, clutching the knife with both hands. It did him little good, as a single metal arm grabbed his ankle and pulled him bodily off the dais. She twisted this way and that to catch a glimpse of the fray. "Barnes. Barnes!" She yelled. "Bucky!"

Bucky's head popped into view over the topmost rungs of the ladder. "You bellowed, Your Worship?" He drawled.

"Uh huh. Banter banter. Clever quip. Can we go?" Darcy's patience had run out somewhere between the ritual harvest dance and the ritual strip search.

After she stepped off the last rung of the ladder she just knew he was going to say something to make her higher brain functions stutter. So she cut him off with small talk.

"You leave any locals for us to save?"

His mouth twisted wryly but she didn't hear his response over the loud gunshot somewhere behind her.

She felt a swift, sharp pressure strike her back, propelling her forward into his arms. The breath forcibly left her lungs. Dragging weak hands down his torso she found it wet and warm. He looked horrified. Blue eyes wider than she'd ever seen them. She saw rather than heard his lips shout the words, "No, no, Darcy, no," but struggled to respond. She can't breathe. Her last thought before everything went dark was that he should never have to look so sad.

* * *

 

She came to in the little medbay on their shuttle, mouth feeling full of cotton and sight blurry without her glasses. Bucky was already at her side with a spare pair and a cup of half melted ice chips.

Slipping on her glasses, she sat up gingerly, mindful of the IV taped to her hand. Her back and chest felt a little sore, but she could breathe again, so she wasn't about to complain. She accepted the ice chips gratefully.

The medbay was a disaster. The remains of her bloody shirt had been cut away and lay in tatters on the floor. The medkit had been torn open and instruments were strewn about everywhere. She caught a glimpse of the small tissue regenerator that had probably saved her life. That and Bucky.

He didn't look so great. His mouth was a grim line and his brows were drawn together in worry. He had lost the tac vest, which was probably soaked in dirt and the blood of his enemies. And her blood.

Because she had nearly died. Because she had been shot in the back. And the events of the day started to decompress somewhere in her chest and Bucky immediately recognized that. He had anticipated the onset of shock, so he held her and let the panic wash over her until she squashed it back down her throat.

She smoothed her paper gown over her thighs from where it rode up when he sat next to her. "How long have I been out?"

He didn't let her go. "18 hours," he said into her hair.

"Long time for you to play doctor."

"Every other planet in this system had been evacuated already. No nearby ally planets with a hospital."

He didn't need to elaborate. The last 18 hours must have been hell for him. It had just been him, alone in space desperately trying to keep his partner alive with their limited resources.

"Thank you," she said sincerely. He grunted in response. Darcy rolled her eyes and pulled back a little to look him in the eye. Reluctantly, he let her.

"Thank you," she repeated. "I'm ok. I'm alive, because of you." It bore repeating, because there was something still a little haunted in his eyes, something more than just her close call that was weighing on him. It was the same dark and terrifying something that told her not to ask about the Jakrians.

Bucky leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers and let out a shaky breath. He ran a single hand down her hair and shocked her by angling his head to press a gentle kiss against her temple. Before her brain could recalibrate, he trailed his lips down to her cheek, then to the corner of her mouth. It was right at her lips that his mouth stopped and just waited, barely touching in the most thrilling way.

She didn't even need to lean in to connect her lips to his. "Wait," she said before she could give in.

He immediately leaned back to examine her expression.

Her gaze was drawn to where he was biting his lip. "Is this adrenaline-fueled kissing? Or 'hooray we're alive' kissing?"

He snorted and relaxed a little in relief. "Take your pick," he said around a smirk and reached for her again.

Darcy pulled her mouth from his at the last second and he groaned a little. "But what about when the adrenaline wears off?"

He laughed once into her neck and sat back. "Tell you what. We're around 40 hours out from a little moon colony. After we get you checked out proper, how 'bout you let me take you to dinner?"

"Dinner?"

"Yeah, and afterwards maybe I'll let you kiss me some more."

The haunted look in his eyes was lessened somewhat. And her chest might be a little sore and she might have gained a newfound wariness of organized religion, but she's alive and she's happy. And she had a date.

* * *

Their dinner was interrupted that night, because that was the nature of their lives, but Bucky still made sure to collect his kiss.

 


	6. When Darcy Met Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let’s rewind a little.

When she met him, she was wearing a pair of cowboy boots. They had been a thank you gift from Jane when they made a breakthrough in her research. Darcy had half-heartedly protested, saying how backwards it was that Jane was giving her something. Jane had always been stubborn and she maintained that she was allowed to celebrate however she pleased.

Darcy loved those boots—purchased from the same vegan clothing vendor Jane frequented—as she loved working alongside Jane, both in the lab and on the field, whether in a rundown Icelandic shack with piecemeal equipment or in a state of the art government funded facility.

There were days though, when Darcy missed the thrill of traveling by Einstein-Rosen bridge without any government oversight. In the early days, she and Jane had daringly—recklessly, Coulson would later stress—tested the limits of bridge travel and had discovered the wealth of culture and beauty that the universe had to offer.

It hadn’t taken long for SHIELD to find them and insist that they come work for them.

It had taken considerably longer for them to convince Jane that they could grant her resources and not merely restrictions and red tape. Working under SHIELD, the two were essentially grounded. And on days when the agency protocols became too stifling and the lab too sterile, Darcy reminisced about worm holes and alien planets.

This wasn’t quite one of those days, although she still had a strong urge to jump into a wormhole.

Because when Darcy met Bucky, she had been wearing those cowboy boots and nothing else.

Due to their experience off planet, Jane and Darcy were consulted on alien artifacts and substances from time to time. The alien compound Jane had been examining had corrosive properties that dissolved everything Darcy had been wearing except for her boots. The vegan footwear, along with the rest of the boutique’s line, was crafted from an animal cruelty free synthetic that was the sole survivor to the corrosion. As she saw with horror her clothing literally melt off her body, she fleetingly thought it couldn’t get any worse.

The lab safety protocol included an emergency chemical wash which was programmed to sprinkle down on them from the ceiling. It flooded down on them in what seemed like a Biblical downpour until Darcy’s boots were overflowing. When it stopped, she stood there, dumbfounded and a little chilly. Jane was little worse for the wear, her vegan flannel and denim dripping.

And because the universe was cruel, that was the moment Barnes rushed to their lab space. Their state of the art lab was sealed to prevent any foreign contaminants either in or out, so he couldn’t enter. It was also, however, aesthetically designed with beautiful, floor to ceiling safety glass, so he could see everything.

Once satisfied that the room was clear of any threats, Barnes nodded once at them and exited the area.

She was a little offended that he didn’t leer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here concludes this little story. I may expand it by adding another arc, if the mood strikes. I also have some other things in the works.
> 
> Thoughts? Let me know here or on [Tumblr](https://stillsixpm.tumblr.com).
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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